Loneliness

One day in January, you find yourself at the airport with two suitcases that carry 30 years of your life. You feel an emptiness in the pit of your stomach and wonder whether or not you will be able to return. You quickly say goodbye to those who accompany you, stretching that last minute to the maximum and holding on to that hug long enough to last until you see them again. And you hold back your tears so as not to torture them with your departure. You leave them behind and embark toward the unknown, with no idea what you are going to do, but with the hope that life will be better there.

It is winter, and you feel the cold of your new home in your spirit and bones. And you desperately seek the warm hug of the sun, but it is not there to warm you. Everything is gray and dark. You try to adapt and find refuge in this dry and hostile tree that is the United States. You shelter yourself with your wings, you snuggle up, you close your eyes, and find refuge in your memories. When you open them, you see the celestial infinity that shelters the world from the dark ground where you find yourself. Then you realize that your loved ones are under the same sky, although this may not seem obvious to your father, who innocently asks if the moon shines with the same intensity on the other side of the planet. You smile at this insignificant yet valuable moment and continue on your way.

You soon learn that the American Dream is as nuanced as the people who inhabit it. In the supermarket, the doctor's office, and the immigration office, there are many long, sorrowful faces, all of them, and almost in unison in a subdued tone, they say to you: Next. You are just one more, but with a bonus: you are a migrant of suspicious origin and intentions with an exotic accent. Interestingly, you are also perceived this way by your compatriots, who look at you with suspicion.

The United States is the land of opportunity, at least in terms of money. But taking advantage of these opportunities has a high emotional and financial price. The culture shock is overwhelming; it is very difficult to make real friends, not to mention the language barrier. Not knowing English does make things more difficult: it closes doors, deprives you of opportunities, and you can even end up with a wrong diagnosis at a doctor’s appointment. The United States is a country that does not have time to wait for you. Now you work 24/7, you move little, the food makes you sick, you suffer from insomnia, and you fear getting sick in the hands of one of the most expensive healthcare systems in the world. You feel like a newborn abandoned to its fate, alone, unprotected, and frustrated.

You were someone in your country, and you lost your identity here. In the beginning, you feel very Columbian, but later, you realize that you cannot return to your country, which is not safe. Then you are neither from there nor from here. You cannot practice your profession, and your years of experience and your title do not represent who you are anymore. You feel sadness, anger, and a throbbing loneliness. You cry inconsolably and miss the weather that knows no seasons, that smooth coffee with milk in the mornings in the neighborhood cafeterias, and even the smile and warm greeting of the owner who talks to you about everything and nothing, although he doesn't know you.

And you ask yourself again and again, what do I do here then? You want to go, but you don’t have that option. Your nation failed you two times: first, it displaced you in its beautiful lands, and then, just like that, you have no place in it. The system does not work, and again, you are in danger; you must leave.

Over time, you fit imperfectly into this puzzle. You fit in tightly, look crooked and worn out, and realize that now you look a bit like the cashier at the market, the secretary at the doctor's office, and even the immigration agent. You speak little, don't laugh as much, and end up isolated. Finally, you are already somewhat Anglo.

• You try to adapt and find refuge in this dry and hostile tree in the United States, full of migratory birds that, like us, seek shelter in a hostile, empty, but "safe" place.*

Loneliness is one of the most intense feelings in exile. You cling to your whole being so that you can continue without losing yourself.

The sky that shelters the entire globe connects us with our loved ones in the distance, allows us to understand that we inhabit different corners of the same world and that in its immensity we all come together looking at the same moon and the same sun, although the clouds and the rain do not have the same shape or intensity.

The American flag is not raised in our honor, on the contrary: it is wary, impatient and intimidating.

*Isolation makes you a new being. You are never the same again, and little by little you take on the shape of your new home. *

*Jellyfish represent love and strength between two beings who alone in exile have managed to overcome cultural differences, have learned to live with loneliness without losing their sanity, and have finally established themselves as citizens of foreign lands. *