Dust Off the Dirt and Move On

To my Mother, Diamantina

These vivid sequences that I present to others
are the ones that burst from the fibers of my heart
are reflections of the indelible moment
where my existence also wanted to go with her to eternity.
I speak of the Being to whom God granted breath in his conceived womb
and who since then became for me a diamond.

That's how she is, my mother, between light and transparency, she's my mom...!

Time passes like leaves blown by whirlwinds of fleeting wind
and in one of them, in the darkness of that night
your quickening steps sought to hide your offspring
hide them... yes, from unbridled evil
which, like a roaring wolf on the prowl, perceives us
like they are hungry animals.

You were the light on the way, Mother
the Light of wisdom to guide us and hide us from evil
It was your immense love that, in the midst of so much, without exempting God,
one of many times protected us
until one morning you neglected your life
because you cared more about protecting my sister and me…
A few hours passed and the fateful news would be given to us
sadly your oxygen was extinguished in a second
and by a senseless hand our mother vanished.

It is here, in another country, where I retain her teachings and the values ​​instilled
where I should have found strength, "shake the earth and move forward"
while in the midst of pain, living distantly touched me.

I remember the night my mom went out with my sister down a infrequently used road, looking for darkness and trees to hide them. “If I don't get us out of here, they're going to recruit me,” my Mom thought in anguish. Through that wooded darkness, she looked for how to get to the house of a relative in Caquetá who would travel to Bucaramanga very early the next day. Their hope was that they would take my sister away from the threat of guerrilla recruitment. This is how my Mom always protected us.

Getting to the United States was not easy. I fled the violence in Colombia after the murder of my mother. But in the United States I felt useless, so helpless and out of place that I repeatedly wondered if it would not be better to return. “What am I doing here? Is this really the best I could do? If something happens to me, who is going to claim me?” I had to take a deep breath to gain strength and tell myself "we have to move forward, it's cowardly not to try". Take a deep breath to get out of where you think you won't be able to.

The first three months in the United States, I shed the tears that I hadn't shed in Colombia. My boss yelled at me and insulted me. When he got worked up, I felt like he was going to hit me. I was scared to look for another job without knowing what crazy guys I would likely find, who would rape or kill me. In the job I had, at least I didn't feel threatened by my sexual integrity. But this man was taking me to the lowest point with his insults and yelling. One day, I spent about three hours crying and sitting under a tree. I felt at that moment that I was not going to be able to make it.

However, in the midst of difficulties, I found friendly hands, little angels who have supported me emotionally and have given me strength when I felt faint. Although there is still some rain of tears, I give infinite thanks to them. And to those who hide to do evil, a giant apology, because it is much more than I have been able to win.

There have been many times that I have fallen, but I have had to get up, shake off the dirt and keep moving forward, just as I learned from my mother.

Today I can say: "Yes I could, I have traveled a path and yes I was able to get there and overcome obstacles." It is possible to do things without depending on anyone. To all the people, and especially to the women who see this photograph, I say: You have to move forward and not allow anyone to trample on you.